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Q: What do you call a gorilla playing quidditch?
A: A hairy potter!!
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Q: What does a Cincinnati Reds fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

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Q: What sort of key does a chimp need to open a banana?
A: A monk-key!
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Q: How do you keep a Rangers fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Flyers orange and black and he won't beat it for 4 years!

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Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
A: Decalfenated
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Q: What do you call a sled dog with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter what you call it, it still won't run!

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Q: Why do people from El Paso keep their driver's license on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
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Q: How do you know that Michael Jackson is not dead?
A: He's still registered to vote in Corpus Christi!

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Q: What is a polar bear's favorite stroke?
A: Blubber-fly!

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Q: What's the difference between an Los Angeles Lakers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

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Q: What is a Baltimore Ravens fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Pittsburgh."

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Q: What's the difference between a Scottrade Center hotdog, and a Joe Louis Arena hotdog?
A: You can buy a Joe Louis Arena hotdog in May!

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Q: What's the difference between your job and a Dead Whore?
A: Your job still sucks!
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Q: What does a New York Knicks fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

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Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Nashville Predators fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

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Q: What do college students and the Islanders have in common?
A: They’ve both finished their year by April.

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Q: How do you stop an Los Angeles Kings fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Detroit Red and White!

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Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By her chipped tooth.
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-1
Q: If you have a car containing a Astros shortstop, a Astros catcher, and a Astros outfielder, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

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Q: What did doctors discover after Kim K had her butt x-rayed?
A: A brain tumor!