Q: What's the only room you can't have in your house?
A: A mushroom.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead St Louis Cardinals fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog
Q: How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Minnesota Timberwolves.
Q: How do you keep a Spurs fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!
Q: Whats better than roses on a naked blonde?
A: Her Tulips ( two lips ) on your organ!
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Buffalo Bills games.
Q: What do penguins eat for lunch?
Q: If you have a car containing a USC Trojan wide receiver, a USC Trojan linebacker, and a USC Trojan defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.
Q: Why does Mitt Romney pay such a low tax rate?
A: He claims 47% of Americans as dependents.
Q: Why is this country so far in debt?
A: Because the president drives a Ford.
Q: What's the difference between dirt and the Detroit Tigers?
A: Nothing...they both always get swept.
Q: What will happen if Tom Brady can't make the delivery of his first child with Gisele Bundchen?
A: Bill Belichick will tape it!
Q: What do you call an University of Alaska football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: Why don't they allow rednecks into Sea World?
A: Because fishing poles are not allowed!
Q: What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A: A steak out.
Q: What does an St Louis Blues fan do when his team has won the Stanley Cup?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: Why does Michael Irvin cry during sex?
A: Pepper Spray.
Q: How do you know if your a homosexual?
A: Mitt Romney won't talk to you anymore!