Q: How do you keep an Chicago Bears out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Did you hear the Minnesota Wild are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!
Q: Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy, and President Bill Clinton are all avid golfers?
A: O.J.'s a slicer, Monica's a whore, Ted Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them
Q: What do I have in common with Chelsea?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Champions League final on television.
Q: What's the difference between the Utah Jazz and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: How do you casterate an Utah Jazz fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Which is the most religious cheese?
A: Swiss, because it is holy.
Q: Why do University of Wyoming grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Q: How do people in Beaumont vote?
A: Early and often!
Q: What do you get when you combine all 23 Edmonton Oilers with 23 lesbians?
A: Fourty-Six people that dont do dick!
Q: What does a recent high school dropout and the Pittsburgh Penguins have in common?
A: They’re both young, have no goals and no good prospects.
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Arizona Diamondbacks fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the most dramatic scene in Al Gore's film "An Inconvenient Truth!"?
A: When the glacier melts and they find more hanging chads!
Q: Why were the similar triangles weighing themselves?
A: They were finding their scale.
Q: How do you keep a Bruins fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Flyers orange and black and he won't beat it for 4 years!
Q: What's the difference between Jelly and Jam?
A: You can't jelly a dick down a woman's throat
Q: What does a Dallas Cowboys fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What’s the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Blackhawks tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Blackhawks tickets.