Alaska Jokes

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Q: What happened to the 5 year old boy who won a moose calling contest at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage?
A: He was shot to death by Sarah Palin!
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Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Alaska?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
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Q: How many Alaskans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
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Q: How do you know if Sarah Palin is having marriage troubles?
A: She sends her husband hunting with Dick Cheney!
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Q: Why should Alaskan's be excited about Russia holding the 2018 World Cup?
A: Because if you have eyes like Sarah Palin you can watch the games from home!
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Q: How do you casterate an Alaskan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
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Q: If you have a car containing an Eskimo, Levi Johnston, and Todd Palin, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
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Q: What is the definition of safe sex up in Alaska?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
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Q: What is the definition of a Alaskan virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
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Q: Why is Sarah Palin not a hockey mom?
A: Because she did a poor job telling her daughters about "keeping players out of the crease!"
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Q: What does an Alaskan native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
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Q: Why do Alaskans have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
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Q: What is the Alaskan Inuits ancient approximation for the mathematical term "pi"?
A: Eskimo Pi!
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Q: What did the Alaskan female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
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Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned in Alaska?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
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Q: Why don't they eat sushi in Ft. Yukon?
A: Because when she's drunk, Sue she wets her pants....(spoken in a native dialect)
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Q: What are the best four years of an Alaskans life?
A: Third grade
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Q: What should you do if you find three Alaskans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
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Q: What do you call an Alaskan in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
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Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Alaska native?
A: The bucket.
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