California Jokes

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Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at San Diego State?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

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Q: What is the definition of a Southern California virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

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Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in California?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

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Q: How do you make UCLA cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

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Q: Why are people surprised by a Sociologists predictions that San Francisco's birth rate will decline sharply this decade?
A: Most people didn't know San Francisco had a birth rate!

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Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Northern California?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

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Q: What does the average San Diego State student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

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Q: What do you call an UCLA football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

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Q: Why did the California Gurl resolve to have only 3 children?
A: She heard that one out of every four children born in the world is Chinese

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Q: What's the only thing that grows in Oakland?
A: The Crime Rate!

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Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over UCLA?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

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Q: Why were many celebrities including Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton all hospitalized yesterday in Los Angeles?
A: An apparent allergic reaction to fresh air!

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Q: Whats the difference between the USC Trojans and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

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Q: Why do USC Trojans fans pour their cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

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Q: How do you casterate an San Diego State fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

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Q: What do you call an Auburn Tiger in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

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Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president?
A: Because Arnold proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language!

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Q: Why do California students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

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Q: How many San Diego State freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

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Q: What does a Calfornia native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.