Crystal Meth Jokes

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Q: How many meth users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 4, one to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room spins.

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Q: What do you have in a room full of tweakers?
A: A complete set of teeth!

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Q: Why do crank-users like to "do it" doggie style?
A: So, they can both look out the window at the same time.

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Q: How can you pick out the tweaker in the grocery store?
A: He is the one with his cart flipped upside down fixing the wheels!

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Q: How do you know that your in the Deep South (of USA)?
A: You get caught with cocaine and the police charge you for possession of "fancy meth".

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Q: What do you call it when you spill meth into your cake mix?
A: Baking bad.

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Q: What's the best thing about being a meth addict?
A: Only one sleep till christmas.

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Q: How do you know your favorite children's book author is hoooked on Meth?
A: His newest book is entitled "The Little Engine That Could...The Miracles of Crystal Meth"!

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Q: What can tourists do on a $65 tour of gang turf in Los Angeles?
A: Purchase a postcard, t-shirt, and some crystal meth!

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Q: Why shouldn't the police arrest the manager of a Sonic fast food joint in Cape Girardeau, Missouri for cooking Meth in the restaurant?
A: Because it was the healthiest item on the menu!

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Q: Why did a woman include a bag of meth with her ATM transaction?
A: She thought it would speed up her deposit!

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Q: Why couldn't actor Ryan O'Neal stop using Meth?
A: He constantly needs a pick me up and scratching at imaginary bugs on his skin is a bonus!

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Q: Why did Full House star Jodie Sweetin start using Crystal Meth?
A: Because Dave Coolier stopped telling her to "cut it out"!

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Q: How do you know your son or daughter is a meth fiend?
A: They keep saying "Fuck dude, gimme some damn crystal meth!"

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Q: Why shouldn't NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield be worried about getting kicked off the circuit for using Crystal Meth?
A: He now is the frontrunner to star in the sequel to "Speed Racer"

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Q: Where did Reverend Ted Haggard find god?
A: Under a bag full of crystal meth!

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Q: Why shouldn't Sarah Palin be President of the United States?
A: Because Wasilla is the Crystal Meth capital of Alaska!

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Q: What was the original name of the tv pilot for Ty Pennington's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition?
A: Crystal Meth Makeovers: How else do you think we build entire homes in a week!

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Q: How do you know Andre Agassi used Crystal Meth regularly in the 1990s?
A: It explains his hair, clothes, and makeup!

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Q: What is the worst thing about having snorted way too much meth?
A: You have to hold the jet when you take a leak.