143218 anonym 0
0
I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out and evaporate. Scotch on the rocks, anyone?


143165 anonym 0
0
Coffee has a way of waking my soul, much like drinking liquid heaven would.

142525 anonym 0
0
A man who drinks too much on occasion is still the same man as he was sober. An alcoholic, a real alcoholic, is not the same man at all. You can't predict anything about him for sure except that he will be someone you never met before.

142389 anonym 0
0
On the other side of the ledger stood the fact that fotitude was useless against it (liquor). Even the mightiest potsman, a paladin who could match tankards with a whole alehouse of swag-bellies Falstaffs and outquaff the parcel of them, would see his length measured upon the floor by less liquid than it would take to fill his hat.
Share:

143467 anonym 0
0
The Brandy Diet is one of my personal favourites – you don’t lose any weight, but if you drink enough of the stuff then you neither care what you look like nor what people think of you. Also, if you’re very lucky, you can lose days.
Share:

143622 anonym 0
0
At church, during communion, they give out free wine. Whoa! Talk about a great place to drink and meet women.



145169 anonym 0
0
Parents drinking is the reason you came into the world, and if we didn't keep doing it then, by God, it would be the reason you went back out of it.

144132 anonym 0
0
Jeg peker på mit navn at der står det og at jeg er den og den. De forstår intet, men de klapper mig og finder at jeg er i orden. Så er det en som går bort til disken og forlanger musik. Og straks begynder et orkestrion å gå. Dette er til ære for dig! tænker jeg, og jeg reiser mig og hilser i alle retninger. Som ved et trylleri begynder jeg å bli meget glad, jeg forlanger vin og vi blir rigtig mange til å drikke. Hehe, det rygtes i salen at jeg er kommet til Moskva, en mand blir hentet som kan fransk; men jeg syntes det gik bra på russisk også og jeg kan desuten ikke stort fransk, så manden er mig uvelkommen. Men vi skjæner ham også og later ham sætte sig ved siden av os.

143840 anonym 0
0
Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.

142125 anonym 0
0
How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,
And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.
What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me?
I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me.
Your wife can’t be a banshee—
Or can she?

142007 anonym 0
0
I drank the coffee because I was tired. I also drank the coffee because I was dominant, and it was passive and put up no fight.


141238 anonym 0
0
Two wives despaired of him,’ he said. ‘When he got engaged to Sylvia, she made it a condition that he should take the cure at Zurich. And it worked. He came back in three months a different man. And he hasn't touched a drop since, even though Sylvia walked out on him.’
‘Why did she do that?’
Well, poor Charlie got rather a bore when he stopped drinking. But that’s not really the point of the story.

140540 anonym 0
0
If you want to keep your dignity intact, stay away from tequila.

139743 anonym 0
0
Camels can go many weeks without drinking anything at all. The notion that they cache water in their humps is pure myth—their humps are made of fat, and water is stored in their body tissues. While other mammals draw water from bloodstreams when faced with dehydration, leading to death by volume shock, camels tap the water in their tissues, keeping their blood volume stable. Though this reduces the camel’s bulk, they can lose up to a third of their body weight with no ill effects, which they can replace astonishingly quickly, as they are able to drink up to forty gallons in a single watering.” (pp.69-70)
Share:

141313 anonym 0
0
A drinker does not exist. Whatever they say, it is just the drink talking
Share:

141352 anonym 0
0
I'm a drinker with writing problems.
Share:

141725 anonym 0
0
For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it’s funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even made it to the bed. I’d squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I’m now told that this is not called “going to sleep” but rather “passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.

141711 anonym 0
0
When you quit drinking you stop waiting.
Share:

141708 anonym 0
0
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.
Share:

139592 anonym 0
0
Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!