Football Jokes

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Q: What do you call a Jacksonville Jaguar in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

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Q: How many San Francisco 49ers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

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Q: Did you here about the Packer fan that died at a pie eating contest?
A: The cow kicked him in the head!

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Q: Why can't Matt Forte get into his own driveway?
A: Someone painted an endzone on it.

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Q: What do they call a drug ring in Baltimore?
A: A huddle

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Q: What's the difference between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

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Q: What does an Oakland Raiders fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

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Q: If you have a car containing a Cowboys wide receiver, a Cowboys linebacker, and a Dallas Cowboys defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

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Q: Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?
A: Soldier Field they never get a touchdown there!

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Q: What is a New England Patriots fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat the Giants."

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Q: What do the Arizona Cardinals and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

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Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Dallas Cowboys.

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Q: Why doesn't Toledo have a professional football team?
A: Because then Cleveland would want one.

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Q: What's the difference between an New England Patriots fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

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Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Jacksonville Jaguars fan?
A: The bucket.

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Q: How do you keep an St Louis Rams out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

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Q: Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

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Q: Why do Kansas City Chiefs fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

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Q: How do you stop a Atlanta Falcons fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in a Saints Jersey!

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Q: How do you keep an Atlanta Falcons fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans Black & Gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!