Quotes about Funny

151195 anonym 0
0
As a captain whose vessel is about to crash on the rocks empties its souls of doubt, so are the hesitant useful for throwing off of an enterprise nearing its end: blame must be cast in failure, profits divided easily in success.

151182 anonym 0
0
When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.

151151 anonym 0
0
Hermits have no peer pressure.

151123 anonym 0
0
A brick could be used as the lead singer of a band called “The More Interesting Than.” I would say get Miley Cyrus to do it, but she isn’t interesting enough.


151291 anonym 0
0
How Superheroes Make Money:
- Spider-Man knits sweaters.
- Superman screw the lids on pickle jars.
- Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.
Share:

151305 anonym 0
0
I had a dream about you last night... you were crying over spilt ink screaming "the words, the what could have been beautiful words.

151366 anonym 0
0
You were at the party on Friday night, weren't you?" I didn't mentioned I'd followed him into the woods.

He leaned back in his chair, his legs sprawled out. His boots nudged the bottom ruffle of my skirt. "Aye."
Aye? Seriously? Could he be any hotter?
Unless he had been looking for his girlfriend at the party.
Not hot.
"I was supposed to meet my cousin," he elaborated, "but I didn't find her,"
Hot again.
Share:

151326 anonym 0
0
Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles
Share:

151311 anonym 0
0
Money is seen as a great evil. But I've never seen a pile of cash stab someone.

151120 anonym 0
0
They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail.

151056 anonym 0
0
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

150848 anonym 0
0
Warren made a noise, the first one I'd heard out of him since we'd come into the room. I'd have been happier if he hadn't sounded scared.
"Easy, Warren," Adam told him. "You're safe here.”
"If you die on us, you won't be," said Kyle with a growl that would have done credit to any of the werewolves in the room.

150836 anonym 0
0
...leaning down for a quick peck on Jeff's lips, and then he starts squirming and rearranging and manhandling until somehow they end up with Dan in the middle, Jeff stretched out on his left side, Evan on his right. Dan isn't really sure how that happened, and he's not at all confident that it's a good idea.

150731 anonym 0
0
She texted me telling me her mom was dying, so I did the right thing and texted her back a picture of my erect penis and said, “Let’s start a new family.”


150909 anonym 0
0
Postcards and postcolonialism are two things I advocate for people who can't afford to go on vacation.

150914 anonym 0
0
The driver got out smiling. He looked about seventeen or eighteen, and for a second, I had the uneasy feeling it was Luke, my old enemy. This guy had the same sandy hair and outdoorsy good looks. But it wasn't Luke. His smile was brighter and more playful. (Luke didn't do much more than scowl and sneer these days.) The Maserati driver wore jeans and loafers and a sleeveless T-shirt.
"Wow" Thalia muttered. Apollo Is hot."
"He's the sun god," I said.
"That's not what I meant.

151001 anonym 0
0
I want to write a book on sex. It will be filled with phrases like "Uuuhgh yeeeaaaah," and "Ooooh that's it," and "Whose hands are those?

150922 anonym 0
0
I strongly believe if you stuck a bunch of angry bickering women in a room with a pastor, a couple of bodyguards, a plate of brownies, a box of Kleenex and a bottle of Xanax, all the stupid hang ups they have with one another wouldn’t drag out for years. Also, I strongly feel if you put Brad Pitt in a room with a bunch of bickering women they would forget what the problem was all about.

150918 anonym 0
0
What a schmuck!

150541 anonym 0
0
In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing.