Gambling Jokes

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Q: How's a casino like a good woman?
A: Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

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Q: What do vampires play poker for?
A: High Stakes!

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Q: Whats the difference between poker players and politicans?
A: Politicans tell the truth.

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Q: What do craps dealers eat for dessert?
A: Dice pudding.

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Q: How were Adam and Eve prevented from gambling?
A: Their paradise (pair-o-dice) was taken away from them!

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Q: What does a BlackJack player eat for dinner?
A: Whatever his comp card allows him to.

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Q: What did the dealer say to the deck of cards?
A: "I can’t deal with you anymore."

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Q: How do you get a professional poker player off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the Pizza.

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Q: What's the hardest thing about play mini baccarat?
A: Telling your parents your gay!

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Q: What's the difference between a poker player and a dog?
A: In about ten years, the dog quits whining.

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Q: What kind of shark is always gambling?
A: A CardShark

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Q: What did a blonde from England bring a bag of french fries to a poker game?
A: Someone told her to bring her own chips.

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Q: What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?
A: In a casino, you really mean it!

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Q: How can you tell if a poker player is bluffing?
A: His chips are moving.

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Q: When is the only time you split tens in BlackJack?
A: When the table is full and your buddies need a seat.

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Q: Why isn't gambling allowed in Africa?
A: Because of all the cheetahs

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Q: Whats the difference between online poker and live poker?
A: You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.