Houston Astros Jokes

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Q: What is the difference between Philip Humber and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
A: Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.

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Q: What's the difference between a Minute Maid Park hotdog, and a Citizens Bank Park hotdog?
A: You can buy a Citizens Bank Park hotdog in October!

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Q: Why doesn't Fort Worth have a professional baseball team?
A: Because then Houston would want one.

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Q: What is a Houston Astros fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Philadelphia."

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Q: What does a Houston Astros fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

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Q: How many Houston Astros fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

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Q: Whats the difference between the Houston Astros and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

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Q: What song do Houston Astros fans sing before the bottom of the ninth inning?
A: Nobody knows. There's never any of them left.

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Q: How do the Astros spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

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Q: What is the difference between a Houston Astros fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!

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Q: What is the difference between a Astros fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

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Q: Did you hear that Houston's baseball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

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Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, a rattlesnake, and a Astros fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Astros Fan.......Twice!

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Q: What should you do if you find three Houston Astros baseball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

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Q: What do you call an Houston Astro in the World Series?
A: An umpire.

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Q: What do Astros fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

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Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Houston Astros fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

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Q: What do the Houston Astros and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

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Q: What does an Houston Astros fan do when his team has won the World Series?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

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Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Houston Astros fan?
A: The bucket.