Quotes about Humor

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I'll never forget my first time with you' Min said as she edged the doughnut off her finger. 'The earth moved, and then my mother asked my father who he was going down on at lunch.

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A blanket could be used as a parachute, for jumping out of dreams.


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He stripped to his trunks, then dove into the pool. We all watched as he broke the surface and
climbed from the water, his muscles slick and wet, his green eyes glowing in the half light of the glass ceiling.
I heard Natalie and Sara both sigh, and Harry murmur that it almost made him want to go gay.
Coby stretched out on a chaise beside me and asked, “So you still sorry you moved here?
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While the Roman Empire was overrun by waves not only of Ostrogoths, Vizigoths and even Goths, but also of Vandals (who destroyed works of art) and Huns (who destroyed everything and everybody, including Goths, Ostrogoths, Vizigoths and even Vandals), Britain was attacked by waves of Picts (and, of course, Scots) who had recently learnt how to climb the wall, and of Angles, Saxons and Jutes who, landing at Thanet, soon overran the country with fire (and, of course, the sword).
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I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.

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A blanket could be used as an American flag. It could keep the world warm with its patronizing patriotism and imperialism. 


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The sheep, I guess demented with love, didn't object to this at all. Casimir somehow found time to pull up some grass for it, and it lay down and munched its grass and then chewed its cud like hanging out with dogs [...] was something it always did. Maybe it thought other sheep were boring and that it had finally found its spiritual home.

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I'm trusting you not to break my heart. If it gets even a scratch, I'll break your face. -Shaye

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Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in the sunshine, he’ll just marry you.

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At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.

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I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.

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Money is seen as a great evil. But I've never seen a pile of cash stab someone.

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I had a dream about you last night... you were crying over spilt ink screaming "the words, the what could have been beautiful words.

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If you can’t be of good character, write a good character.
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People, generally, suck.

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For as long as I could remember, I'd been making vague and confident assurances that any day I would finish the thing [my book]. If and when I ever did, they would probably feel an almost physical sense of relief. I was like a massively incompetent handyman who'd been up on their roof now for years, trying to take down a gnarled old lightning-struck tree trunk that had fallen against the house, haunting every gathering, all discussions of family business, any attempt they made to sit down together and plan for the future, with the remote but ceaseless whining of my saw.

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I'm going to have to give him shit for all this,' Shane said, as he wandered around. 'He lives alone and makes his bed? Who does that?'

'People who like things neat?'

'Its not natural.

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A brick could be a politician, if you attached strings, taught it to dance, and allowed it to read a teleprompter. Remember: whether it’s Republican or Democrat, it’s still a brick, and it will do whatever the Mason’s want it to. But if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to work. Now, where did I leave my secret handshake?


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The issue, let’s pick it up in the AM. The mannequin, let’s pick it up now and dance like our stiff moves are cool and by design.


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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.