Missouri Jokes

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Q: What's the difference between an Mizzou football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

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Q: Did you hear that Mizzou's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

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Q: What's the difference between an Missouri Tiger fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

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Q: What does the average University of Central Missouri student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

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Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Missouri?
A: No one would look for them.

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Q: If you have a car containing a Mizzou receiver, a Mizzou linebacker, and a Mizzou defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

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Q: How do you casterate an Missouri Tigers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

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Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Missouri?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

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Q: What's the only thing that grows in St Louis?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

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Q: What is a Mizzou Tigers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Oklahoma."

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Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Central Missouri?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

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Q: How many University of Central Missouri freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

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Q: What do Missouri and Central Missouri students have in common?
A: They both got in to Central Missouri.

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Q: Why does a Tigers fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

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Q: What do the University of Missouri and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

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Q: What do you call a Missouri Tiger football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

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Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Tigers fan?
A: The bucket.

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Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Missouri's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

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Q: What does a Missouri native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

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Q: How many Mizzou Tigers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!