90892 anonym 0
0
My body looks the same, but I gained 20 pounds. The difference is that right now I have an erection, and before I didn’t.


90822 anonym 0
0
If just one person has done it, it can be done. by V.L. Marshall
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90179 anonym 0
0
Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I'd have to give it up.

89741 anonym 0
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I had a dream about you. You were in love with me, and I only had eyes for you. Of course, I had other body parts to offer you, one long on in particular.


99230 anonym 0
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I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.


102403 anonym 0
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I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

107554 anonym 0
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I had a dream about you. We were running on the beach in the moonlight, the sand glimmering like bronzed skin. The air was saturated with laughter, some of it was ours, but mostly it was from the audience seated in the stadium parallel to the ocean. I was enjoying being the star, until I realized I was naked, and the audience wasn’t laughing with me—they were laughing at me. Why didn’t anybody tell me I have an elephant trunk for a penis? 


107414 anonym 0
0
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

103630 anonym 0
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I saw a nipple and I got an erection. It was a man’s nipple, and I was standing alone in front of a mirror.


87508 anonym 0
0
The hurt that troubled children create is never greater than the hurt they feel.
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86611 anonym 0
0
Would you like to sit?" Kellen asked her.
"You'd better do it soon," Owen whispered close to her ear, "or I'm going to bend you over that table and break the club's no-penetration-in-the-lounge rule.

60044 anonym 0
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I have a spreadsheet of all the women I'd like to spread and sheet. Your mom is on my list. So is your grandma, may she rest in peace.


58172 anonym 0
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Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.


53604 anonym 0
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If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

64020 anonym 0
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Every home needs a woman’s touch. My penis also needs a woman’s touch.


72632 anonym 0
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Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

80937 anonym 0
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If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it, or you're up to something.

80288 anonym 0
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I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.


76903 anonym 0
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The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.


53179 anonym 0
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I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals.