New England Patriots Jokes

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Q: What's the difference between a New England Patriots fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

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Q: What's the difference between New England Patriots fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

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Q: Why does Aaron Hernandez resort to murdering people?
A: Because Tim Tebow brings out the worst in everybody.

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Q: What should you do if you find three New England Patriots football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

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Q: How do you stop a New England Patriots fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New York Gang Green!

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Q: What do the New England Patriots and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

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Q: Why doesn't Connecticut have a professional football team?
A: Because then Massachusetts would want one.

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Q: Why do New England Patriots fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

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Q: Why are the New England Patriots like Hillary Clinton?
A: Both have Bills to push around.

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Q: What is the name for Giselle & Tom Brady's baby boy?
A: Brady Bundch!

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Q: What does a New England Patriots fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

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Q: Did you hear that New England's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

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Q: Why do the New England Patriots want to change their name to the New England Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

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Q: Want to hear a Patriots joke?
A: Tim Tebow!

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Q: How many New England Patriots fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

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Q: Why are so many New England Patriots players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

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Q: Where do you go in Boston in case of a tornado?
A: Gillette Stadium they never get a touchdown there!

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Q: Why is Patriots player Rodney Harrison perfect for a broadcasting job with NBC?
A: Anyone who has played with Bill Belichick knows a thing or two about being in front of a camera!

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Q: What is the difference between a Patriots fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

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Q: What do the New England Patriots and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".