New York Mets Jokes

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Q: Why did BP hire the New York Mets to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!

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Q: What's the difference between dirt and the New York Mets?
A: Nothing...they both always get swept.

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Q: If you have a car containing a Mets shortstop, a Mets catcher, and a Mets outfielder, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

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Q: How do you stop an New York Mets fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Philadelphia Red and White!

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Q: Did you hear the New York Mets are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

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Q: Why do New York Mets fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

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Q: Why can't the New York Mets use the internet?
A: Because they can’t get 3 W’s in a row.

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Q: What is the difference between Johan Santana and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
A: Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.

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Q: What do New York Mets fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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Q: How do you casterate an New York Mets fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

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Q: What do Michael Jackson and the New York Mets infielders have in common?
A: They both wear one glove for no apparent reason.

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Q: Why is Halloween the New York Mets favorite holiday?
A: It’s the only thing in October they have to look forward to!

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Q: How can you tell if a Mets fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

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Q: What do you call 40 millionaires around a TV watching the World Series?
A: The New York Mets.

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Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, a rattlesnake, and a Mets fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Mets Fan.......Twice!

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Q: Why do all the trees in the Northeast lean towards New York?
A: It’s because the Mets suck.

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Q: How many New York Mets fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

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Q: What's the difference between the New York Yankees and the New York Mets?
A: The last Yankees World Series team picture isn't in black and white.

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Q: What does an New York Mets fan do when his team has won the World Series?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

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Q: What do Mets fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.