Philadelphia Phillies Jokes

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Q: Did you hear that Atlanta's baseball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

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Q: What is the diference between a cactus and the Phillies dugout?
A: On a cactus the pricks are on the outside!

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Q: What do Phillies fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

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Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, a rattlesnake, and a Phillies fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Phillies Fan.......Twice!

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Q: Did you hear the Philadelphia Phillies are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

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Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Phillies fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

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Q: How many Philadelphia Phillies does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

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Q: How do you keep a Phillies fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Atlanta navy and scarlet and he won't beat it for 4 years!

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Q: How do you make a Phillies fan laugh on Monday?
A: Tell him a joke on Friday!

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Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Philadelphia Phillies fan?
A: The bucket.

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Q: What should you do if you find three Philadelphia Phillies baseball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

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Q: What does an Philadelphia Phillies fan do when his team has won the World Series?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

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Q: Whats the difference between the Philadelphia Phillies and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

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Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Philadelphia Phillies fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

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Q: What do the Philadelphia Phillies and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 40,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

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Q: How do you stop an Philadelphia Phillies fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Atlanta Navy and Scarlet!

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Q: Why did BP hire the Philadelphia Phillies to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!

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Q: What is a Philadelphia Phillies fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Atlanta."

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Q: What's the difference between dirt and the Philadelphia Phillies?
A: Nothing...they both always get swept.

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Q: What do the Philadelphia Phillies and lawn furniture have in common?
A: They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day!