Pilot Jokes

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Q: Wanna know how to make a small fortune running a charter airline?
A: Start out with a large one.
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Q: What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician?
A: a flying sorcerer.
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Q: What do you call a pregnant flight attendant?
A: Pilot error.
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Q: Whats the difference between a jet engine and a flight attendant?
A: At the end of the flight the jet engine stops whining
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Q: How do you know you're flying over Poland?
A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
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Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and God?
A: God doesn't think He's a fighter pilot.
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Q: Why will a pilot never starve to death?
A: He can always boil his tie. (pilots eat with food in lap; getting tie dirty)
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Q: Why did everyone want to sit next to Lisa Nowak (AstroNut) on her return flight to Texas?
A: Because they knew she wasn't going to get up for any bathroom breaks
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Q: How do you know your overweight?
A: You have to purchase two airline tickets.
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Q: What seperates three whores form two alcoholics?
A: The cockpit door!
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Q: What happened after Ms Piggy and an unnamed feral pig were married in a lavish ceremony over the weekend?
A: The Swine Flu to Hawaii on flight H1N1
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Q: What do you call a black pilot?
A: a pilot, you racist.
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Q: How is Southwest Airlines capitalizing on Tiger Woods infidelty woes?
A: By introducing a special Tiger Woods rate where mistresses fly free!
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Q: Why do 747s have humps?
A: So the pilot can sit on his wallet.
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Q: How do you know your friends broke?
A: When they get mad they can't afford to fly off the handle so they gotta go greyhound off the handle.
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Q: What do you call a flying primate?
A: A hot air baboon!
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Q: What's the difference between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza?
A: A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.
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Q: What do you call a space pilot who lives dangerously?
A: Han YOLO
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