Pittsburgh Penguins Jokes

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Q: Why are the Pittsburgh Penguins like the United States Postal Service?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!

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Q: How many Pittsburgh Penguins does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

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Q: Why don't the Penguins drink tea?
A: Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.

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Q: What do the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice!

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Q: What is the difference between a Pittsburgh Penguins fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!

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Q: What should you do if you find three Pittsburgh Penguins hockey fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

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Q: What is it called when a Pittsburgh Penguins player blows in another Penguins players ear?
A: Data transfer.

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Q: What’s the difference between the Philadelphia 76ers and the Pittsburgh Penguins?
A: The 76ers shoot at a net.

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Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Penguins players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

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Q: Whats the difference between the Pittsburgh Penguins and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

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Q: What do the Pittsburgh Penguins and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

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Q: What do you call 5 Pittsburgh Penguins players standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

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Q: Why doesn't Harrisburg have a professional hockey team?
A: Because then Pittsburgh would want one.

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Q: Why do the Penguins suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.

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Q: What's the difference between an Pittsburgh Penguins fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

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Q: Did you hear the Pittsburgh Penguins are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

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Q: What’s the difference between the Consol Energy Center and a red light district?
A: In a red light district, you pay $300 bucks and somebody scores.

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Q: Why did BP hire the Pittsburgh Penguins to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!

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Q: What do Pittsburgh Penguins fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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Q: Why do Penguins fans drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Detroit!