Twilight Jokes

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Q: What do Edward Cullen and a Christmas tree have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.

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Q: What do you call a really long piece of shit?
A: Twilight.

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Q: How do you stop Jacob Black from annoying you?
A: You pick up a stick, throw it and yell 'fetch'!

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Q: Why can't Edward read Bella's mind?
A: There's nothing to read.

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Q: How many Twihards does it take to screw on a light bulb?
A: I don't know, they're all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen

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Q: How do you know that Bella has some issues?
A: She is constantly trying to romantically decide between bestiality and necrophilia!

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Q: Why can Bella give Edward Cullen blowjobs at night?
A: Edward's balls sparkle!

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Q: What do you call a pale white man that dates women a tenth of his age?
A: Michael Jackson!

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Q: Why is Twilight like soccer?
A: They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its millions of fans insist you just don't understand!

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Q: How do you scare Jacob?
A: Just yell out "Jacob its time for your flee bath"

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Q: Why isn't Edward Cullen really a vampire?
A: He hangs out in trees and sparkles, he's a fairy!

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Q: Why are the Cullens homosexuals?
A: Vampires burn in the sunlight, gays sparkle!

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Q: Why is Edward cullen so pale?
A: There isn't any light in the closet

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Q: What is the best Birthday gift for Jacob?
A: A bag of Pedigree dog food

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Q: How do you know that Edward Cullen is gay?
A: Blood isn't the only thing Edward Cullen sucks!

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Q: Why will Edward Cullen make an appearance in the next Narnia film?
A: Because he's that deep in the closet!

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Q: Why aren't there real vampires living right now?
A: They all killed themselves after reading Twilight!

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Q: What do you call a large group of Twilight fans?
A: Lame.

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Q: How do you permanently become dumber?
A: Put her in the same room as Stephanie Meyer, her books, and wait a minute!

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Q: How do you know your dating Alice Cullen?
A: Your girlfriend can predict the shuffle on your iPod.