Vancouver Canucks Jokes

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Q: How do you keep a Canucks fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Red Wings red and white and he won't beat it for 4 years!

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Q: What’s the difference between the Toronto Raptors and the Vancouver Canucks?
A: The Raptors shoot at a net.

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Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Canucks fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

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Q: How can you tell if a Canucks fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

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Q: What’s the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Canucks tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Canucks tickets.

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Q: What do I have in common with the Vancouver Canucks?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Stanley Cup Finals on television.

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Q: What should you do if you find three Vancouver Canucks hockey fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

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Q: Did you hear the Vancouver Canucks are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

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Q: Why do the Canucks suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.

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Q: How many Vancouver Canucks does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

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Q: Why are the Canucks like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.

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Q: How many Vancouver Canucks fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

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Q: What do you call 23 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Finals?
A: The Vancouver Canucks.

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Q: What's the difference between the Detroit Red Wings and the Vancouver Canucks?
A: The last Red Wings Stanley Cup team picture isn't in black and white.

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Q: How do you stop an Vancouver Canucks fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Detroit Red and White!

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Q: What’s the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Vancouver Canucks?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

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Q: What do college students and the Canucks have in common?
A: They’ve both finished their year by April.

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Q: What does a Vancouver Canucks fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

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Q: What do Vancouver Canucks fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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Q: What is the difference between a Canucks fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.